'Yellow panties' is napping right now. When I picked her up last night she did not look like she was happy to see me. Her hair seemed a bit lifeless and dull. Her green irises were tinted brown by the swelling redness in her whites. Her cheeks were a bit pallid and suggested a heavy heart. She had on the green sweatshirt (from our first date), some jeans and her green addidas shoes. She had a small suitcase. Before she got into my car, she put on a forest green and brown cable knit cap. Her ears peeked out from under it and tiny bits of hair tickled the air. She looked over at me, and for a brief moment a small butterfly-pang hit me. She leaned over and kissed me. The taste of her tongue and mouth told me that she had been crying.
'I am really happy to see you' I said.
She turned away, whimpered slightly, and said something which was eaten up by a deep sob.
The whole ride to the beach, I kept thinking that she was going to puke. I tried to find some music that might soothe her, but I finally just turned the sound off. We entered the gate to the beach, and the guard gave me an odd glance when he bent down to say hello to my passenger. I think he was shocked to not recognize her, and knew better than to make a grave mistake for my weekend. I gave him a thankful nod, and made a gesture of, 'I owe you.'
The sun was just setting when we entered the beach house. Fog had settled over the early evening and had cooled the light significantly. I showed 'Yellow panties' around and I told her that she should make herself comfortable. I went out to unload the groceries and to get firewood and wine. When I came back in, 'Yellow panties' was reclined on my chair. She was smoking and had what looked to be a tumbler of vodka. Her green shoes dug into the ottoman- which pissed me off- but made her seem more relaxed- which made me happier.
Fire on, music on (thank god for MacBook Pro and airport), wine opened, food out. My first cigarette, a deep breath and a shot of pappy. I could finally relax as well.
I came up behind her and kissed the back of her ear and nibbled the lobe. She leaned back into my kiss and let out a joyful sigh- just one small one. I sat down next to her and said, 'You know, I am sorry for your loss. I don't really know you that well, but I am truly sorry. I really like you, and I want you to be happy, so your sadness saddens me.'
Her face did not move, but streaks of tears started pouring out. She made no noise. Her lip quivered a bit, and her eyes began clearing. I told her that we needed to go on a walk on the beach. As the suns sets, and the ocean takes over the night, endless sorrow is devoured by the lapping, lap lap of the waves. The sea air gets into the blood and cleans the heart. And when the darkness finally grabs hold of joy's hand they will waltz till the sun peeks out from the covers and cries, 'good morning.'
On our walk we bumped into three of my neighbors. They were all clearly taken aback by my companion- funny how neighbors can somehow live your life. 'Yellow panties' (I need to start calling her by her name) was a good sport. She actually perked up, and asked if I was in a relationship. I told her that I had recently ended one, and that these people probably didn't know that. We chatted for a brief moment about Sophia, but I was quick to end the chat and I said, 'Listen, I know that I have only met you, but I like you. And, I want to be with you right now. And I want to enjoy my weekend with you.' She seemed to smile, and then she asked why I hadn't married- not that she wanted to get married. I told her about how I have never thought about it, but that I had deeply considered asking Sophia to marry me, but I just couldn't find the words. Once again, I reiterated with her that I want to spend the weekend with her, and that we should stop talking about my ex.
We made it back to the place and warmed up by the fire. The food was good, the wine was better, and the cigarettes and words made me very excited. When we finally started passionately kissing late into the night, she seemed to be more of herself. She was stripped down to her panties (black) and I was fully naked. I began kissing her neck, then breasts, and then her stomach. As I made my way down to her panties, she grabbed me and said, 'No.' She tried to pull me back up to her. I got a hint of why she had balked, and I said, 'I am ok with it, it does not bother me.' She seemed embarrassed, and unsure, so I calmly reassured her with a gentle whisper and slight kiss on lips and returned. Her black panties came off and revealed a freshly shorn delight. One small, fine white hair remained which I plucked and threw into the fire.
The hoot, hoot of a barred owl, eyes yellowed bright from moonlight, called out in the night. Its love, only a few trees away, cowered and writhed, bobbing and bouncing up and down, thrusting its head toward the carnal delight. The captured prey is offered to the mate and hoots fill the night air with wondered, puzzled elation.
The Striga of my Nonna's stories was a scary figure, but I was fascinated by the myth. My Nonna had told stories of how the Striga had raped her sister and made her barren. A giant beak and lustful claws ripped the fertility from her sister and carried them off into a full moon. The men of my Nonna's village had chased the Striga and killed off all the owls that they met. These men were killed off by the Black Caps who kept owls as pets.
Today we spent most of the day in bed. I haven't napped and lounged like this for many years. We took a few walks on the fogged beach, but most of the day was spent in bed, on the couch, or in the shower. Nicolette is a very sweet person. I feel very comfortable when I am in her. It is very easy and nice and her warm soft skin and smooth eyes make me feel very young and healthy. Should I feel this good?
Xioba
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
Today is Friday- the NBA is a joke
I just found out that the Spurs won the championship. I didn't watch a single minute of the series. You have a dirty, whiny, boring team against a flashy primo uomo. I imagine that is was a real snore, and probably the worst ratings you could have ever imagined. ABC and ESPN should cancel their contracts. I will be the first to put an "*" on this championship. Horry looked old and sad in the series against the Suns, but out of that one, old, dirty move, he guaranteed the win against the LeBrons. I already bet a co-worker that the Spurs would lose in the 1st round next year and that the Lakers would win it all.
'Yellow panties' finally called me. She was out of town due to some family emergency- great grams bit the dust. Something about a long battle with parkinson's and diabetes. She was in her early 90's. Hmmm. Let me do the math- Great grams was 90; grams would have to be 65 - 70; mom would have to be 40 - 45. I would like to meet her mom.
'Yellow panties' and I are going out to the beach house tonight. It was hot all week in the city and it should be more of the same over the weekend, so it should be a nice weekend. I wonder how she will be over an extended period of time. Will she every satiate?
I bought a couple of bikes today. Competitive cyclist.com rocks. So easy to order. Marcelo with record and Luigino with record. A little celebration for my promotion.
I think I like 'Yellow panties'. When she called and started to cry during her description of grams death, her voice sounded so sexy. I imagined silencing her sobs with with a little ORU and Khyber pass. I am pretty excited to see her.
Xioba
'Yellow panties' finally called me. She was out of town due to some family emergency- great grams bit the dust. Something about a long battle with parkinson's and diabetes. She was in her early 90's. Hmmm. Let me do the math- Great grams was 90; grams would have to be 65 - 70; mom would have to be 40 - 45. I would like to meet her mom.
'Yellow panties' and I are going out to the beach house tonight. It was hot all week in the city and it should be more of the same over the weekend, so it should be a nice weekend. I wonder how she will be over an extended period of time. Will she every satiate?
I bought a couple of bikes today. Competitive cyclist.com rocks. So easy to order. Marcelo with record and Luigino with record. A little celebration for my promotion.
I think I like 'Yellow panties'. When she called and started to cry during her description of grams death, her voice sounded so sexy. I imagined silencing her sobs with with a little ORU and Khyber pass. I am pretty excited to see her.
Xioba
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Today is Thursday- for real
Somewhere between the time that I got promoted (the reason for my meeting with my boss, hr and legal) and when I woke up this morning, I lost a giant chunk of my life. I tried blogging last night, and I am not sure what to say other than, wow. I can't even understand what I wrote, the english is bad and the italian is worse.
So, yesterday I was a nervous wreck all day long. I had called my friends and told them that I needed to go out and that we should meet somewhere after work. One of them suggested that we go to The Fratelli's show at the FilMO; so, we decided to meet at lil japantown at 7ish. I went on my way about doing work duties (very distracted). 'Yellow panties' was a no show again, so I was getting pretty pissed off. Just stewing deep down. At 5:25 I made the long march to my boss's office, and stood patiently. At 5:30, I knocked on her door and was asked to come in. She seemed happy, which was very odd to me, but put me in a relaxed mood. We chatted briefly until a knock on the door (my heart raced for brief moment) and Legal and HR entered- both women. We all sat down at the table and then my boss began speaking to me. I could barely hear what she was saying (I think my heart was pounding so hard that it was seemingly drowning out her words). Then it struck me, and I responded, with a bit of disbelief in my eyes, 'What did you say?'
She went on to talk about how I have been a star employee for the past 4 years, and that my team is exceptional and that it is time to 'stretch' me. I didn't know what to say or think, but I did remark on how usually anytime you are in a meeting with your boss, hr and legal it is probably not the best situation. We all chuckled at that. So, they wanted to promote me into Chief Operating Officer which would mean that I would take over a large portion of the business (R&D, Legal, HR, Production, Facilities, Logistics and a few others), but I would have to give up my Marketing department (this would go to my boss). I balked for a brief moment which made my boss throw the numbers at me. I accepted immediately, which I think shocked them, but I told them that the offer was very generous and that my loyalty toward our company made me not to want to negotiate. Legal and HR appeared to exhale at that point. My boss made a joke about my exceptional negotiating skills and that she was ready to try, so she was a bit disappointed. Her words made an idea come to mind. Here I am, a man who was just offered to be the #2 in our company, sitting in a room with 3 attractive, professional women (one my boss, and the two others my soon to be employees) and against better judgment I said that I did have one thing that I wanted to discuss and negotiate and that it was extremely sensitive and confidential, and that I trusted them to help me with the situation. I got their attention and then hooked them.
I started describing how my ex had dumped me and that it has been a rough couple of weeks. They had met Sophia in the past and appeared to like her, though I would guess that they were envious, or mad, angry, jealous (whatever emotion) since Sophia was about 10 - 15 years younger than them and shows it off. I think I might have dropped a slight tear at some point, and I might have paused a few times to gather myself which got them even more sympathetic toward me. And then I told them that I accidentally 'hit' an admin over the weekend. They were aghast and were in some sort of panic mode to figure out what to do. When they settled down, I said, 'no I didn't hit an admin, I screwed one.' I thought about talking about hummers and anal play and screams and moans, but knew that I shouldn't push my luck. Blah blah blah this that and the other and it turns out that since this admin is not under my umbrella and was not under my umbrella when I was in marketing, though it was poor judgment, there was no wrong doing. Turns out 'Yellow panties' is in finance. Whatever. We chatted more, I acted embarrassed and asked for advice. I talked about being lonely and vulnerable, and that it just sort of happened. We then stopped talking about it and refocused on my promotion. I need to give up marketing immediately and focus in on my new role- I will shadow the now departing COO for 3 months and then take on full COOship. My boss is a very capable marketer, so there is no worry about service in that area.
I left the office, I called 'Yellow panties' on her cell- straight to voice mail- and met my friends at japantown.
We were eating noodles and drinking sake and beer when one of my friends winked at me to come with him. We went outside to his car which was parked a few streets up at a meter and we got in. He put on some Steely Dan (I should have known at this point) and we had some pizza. He then offered me a rail, and against better self preserving judgment, I made it disappear with one quick, fluid, sgnffff. I remember looking into the mirror and seeing my magnified, crumpled face and I said to myself. 'Oh, this ain't good'. I can't explain the feeling other than I felt like I had been infested by something mean and awful and it made me want to open up my arms and bleed it out of me. Dread, fear, lust, hunger, insecurity on and on were all jumbled together in my head. Steely Dan on the radio and my friend, laughing and saying 'Good shit, huh, good shit' while slapping my back. Mother fucker, I will get even. I felt I could not speak, so I knew that I had to remain calm. I got out of the car (my heart was probably doing 180+) and I calmly walked back to the noodle shop. I could hear my friend yelling for me. Fuck him. It took forever to get to the noodle place, and I could see my little hour glass dripping the sand down. I did not have much time, but I could not panic. I walked into the restaurant, looked at my other three friends, and without saying a word, I reached into my wallet, pulled out $300+ and put it down on the table. I turned around and calmly walked out. When I finally made it to my car (in the parking lot) I could see the last bits of sand going around and around in that little bottle neck that is in the middle of the hour glass. I had to get in, start the car, find my parking ticket, get out cash, and find the correct song. I chose Kashmir. It is long, predictable and quite fitting. The last thing I remember is that I turned left out of the parking lot, and then lost myself somewhere after ' oh, all I see turns to brown........'
I woke up this morning and I was genuinely surprised that I was alive. It was shocking to me to feel the air in my lungs and to feel my damp, sweaty pillow against my jaw.
I need to stick to pizza and beer. I need to stay away from that house.
Xioba
So, yesterday I was a nervous wreck all day long. I had called my friends and told them that I needed to go out and that we should meet somewhere after work. One of them suggested that we go to The Fratelli's show at the FilMO; so, we decided to meet at lil japantown at 7ish. I went on my way about doing work duties (very distracted). 'Yellow panties' was a no show again, so I was getting pretty pissed off. Just stewing deep down. At 5:25 I made the long march to my boss's office, and stood patiently. At 5:30, I knocked on her door and was asked to come in. She seemed happy, which was very odd to me, but put me in a relaxed mood. We chatted briefly until a knock on the door (my heart raced for brief moment) and Legal and HR entered- both women. We all sat down at the table and then my boss began speaking to me. I could barely hear what she was saying (I think my heart was pounding so hard that it was seemingly drowning out her words). Then it struck me, and I responded, with a bit of disbelief in my eyes, 'What did you say?'
She went on to talk about how I have been a star employee for the past 4 years, and that my team is exceptional and that it is time to 'stretch' me. I didn't know what to say or think, but I did remark on how usually anytime you are in a meeting with your boss, hr and legal it is probably not the best situation. We all chuckled at that. So, they wanted to promote me into Chief Operating Officer which would mean that I would take over a large portion of the business (R&D, Legal, HR, Production, Facilities, Logistics and a few others), but I would have to give up my Marketing department (this would go to my boss). I balked for a brief moment which made my boss throw the numbers at me. I accepted immediately, which I think shocked them, but I told them that the offer was very generous and that my loyalty toward our company made me not to want to negotiate. Legal and HR appeared to exhale at that point. My boss made a joke about my exceptional negotiating skills and that she was ready to try, so she was a bit disappointed. Her words made an idea come to mind. Here I am, a man who was just offered to be the #2 in our company, sitting in a room with 3 attractive, professional women (one my boss, and the two others my soon to be employees) and against better judgment I said that I did have one thing that I wanted to discuss and negotiate and that it was extremely sensitive and confidential, and that I trusted them to help me with the situation. I got their attention and then hooked them.
I started describing how my ex had dumped me and that it has been a rough couple of weeks. They had met Sophia in the past and appeared to like her, though I would guess that they were envious, or mad, angry, jealous (whatever emotion) since Sophia was about 10 - 15 years younger than them and shows it off. I think I might have dropped a slight tear at some point, and I might have paused a few times to gather myself which got them even more sympathetic toward me. And then I told them that I accidentally 'hit' an admin over the weekend. They were aghast and were in some sort of panic mode to figure out what to do. When they settled down, I said, 'no I didn't hit an admin, I screwed one.' I thought about talking about hummers and anal play and screams and moans, but knew that I shouldn't push my luck. Blah blah blah this that and the other and it turns out that since this admin is not under my umbrella and was not under my umbrella when I was in marketing, though it was poor judgment, there was no wrong doing. Turns out 'Yellow panties' is in finance. Whatever. We chatted more, I acted embarrassed and asked for advice. I talked about being lonely and vulnerable, and that it just sort of happened. We then stopped talking about it and refocused on my promotion. I need to give up marketing immediately and focus in on my new role- I will shadow the now departing COO for 3 months and then take on full COOship. My boss is a very capable marketer, so there is no worry about service in that area.
I left the office, I called 'Yellow panties' on her cell- straight to voice mail- and met my friends at japantown.
We were eating noodles and drinking sake and beer when one of my friends winked at me to come with him. We went outside to his car which was parked a few streets up at a meter and we got in. He put on some Steely Dan (I should have known at this point) and we had some pizza. He then offered me a rail, and against better self preserving judgment, I made it disappear with one quick, fluid, sgnffff. I remember looking into the mirror and seeing my magnified, crumpled face and I said to myself. 'Oh, this ain't good'. I can't explain the feeling other than I felt like I had been infested by something mean and awful and it made me want to open up my arms and bleed it out of me. Dread, fear, lust, hunger, insecurity on and on were all jumbled together in my head. Steely Dan on the radio and my friend, laughing and saying 'Good shit, huh, good shit' while slapping my back. Mother fucker, I will get even. I felt I could not speak, so I knew that I had to remain calm. I got out of the car (my heart was probably doing 180+) and I calmly walked back to the noodle shop. I could hear my friend yelling for me. Fuck him. It took forever to get to the noodle place, and I could see my little hour glass dripping the sand down. I did not have much time, but I could not panic. I walked into the restaurant, looked at my other three friends, and without saying a word, I reached into my wallet, pulled out $300+ and put it down on the table. I turned around and calmly walked out. When I finally made it to my car (in the parking lot) I could see the last bits of sand going around and around in that little bottle neck that is in the middle of the hour glass. I had to get in, start the car, find my parking ticket, get out cash, and find the correct song. I chose Kashmir. It is long, predictable and quite fitting. The last thing I remember is that I turned left out of the parking lot, and then lost myself somewhere after ' oh, all I see turns to brown........'
I woke up this morning and I was genuinely surprised that I was alive. It was shocking to me to feel the air in my lungs and to feel my damp, sweaty pillow against my jaw.
I need to stick to pizza and beer. I need to stay away from that house.
Xioba
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
TOdya is tHrusday-
flesh is a saddened ugle thing. The form is soft and easily made whereas stone which is very hard and not easily formed becomes very bea. Because a thing very rough and hard becomes soft and smooth almost to the point of giving more excitement then flesh. To make a form that that has flashes of what the person sees directly from tv and various things scenes- clock, darkness, wind. but each stimulus makes the person think of something. every thought becomes a new scene with flashbacks of both changing sempre.
Of a man thiat living alone were only have his memories to accompany him each day the idea of voices and pictures and letters makes him more and more crazy because these things show solo how many things there are int the world how when picture showing many things. When fatto where the birds and water what did they do? And now. How every picture is different world different time and different thing. So many things to many things to keep mecomnpany. When you have somebody you forget the surrouundings when you have only memories you notice more.
I want to cry. no the feeling of intense emotional pains climbs to my stomach, my throat, and nose and awaits in my eyes. teh acidic dryness my throat makes it very difficutl to speak and think. In between the half breathing and sobing I try and relax and push back the emotion. but in doing so images come to my mind images of such things as the books my father sent me, the trip we had to europe the dinners out on the town and how in each day the situations my family did those for me out love, yet I accepted the physical aspects and not the emoitonal. That makes me feel so heartless unforgiving and cold.
HOW MY FATHHer can be in the hospital with his health the way it is and the most important thing and he could worry more about sending books to me that will probably never be read.
I want to be in a wooden box of six feet or in a whire roon on an island dreaming teass and birds and flower.s
Do not lovers always overreach the limit of each other's lives, having promoised distance and chaste and home. We do not know the contour of our feelings, but only what informs it from inside.
Da una sola metafora puo nascere l'amore.
Fare l'amore con una donna e dormire con una donna sono due passioni non solo diverse ma quasi opposte. L'amore non si manifesta col desiderie di fare l'amore (desideria che si applica a una quantita infinita di donne) Ma col desiderio di dormire insieme (desideria che si applica a un'unica donna).
Amare qualcuno per compassione significa non amarlo veramente.
La sopia ha detto che un'uomo me conquista quando lui si cade ai piedi miei. Mentre lei dicevela, me ho risposto 'quando mi son caduto da fronte da lei ricevendo una taglia sulla mano mia'.
Two lovers in a place unaffected by any outside superfical infliuences there is the love they must choose to have one day for the other or suffer the other.
The one of the man in the room with bandages on his hands wrists and the serious of him ging through the actions. Use the mirror.
You are the alcehimist with the ever delicate fingers and stone. you are both mercury and sulfur yet you are seperate and combine also the suna nd the moon. you are the one that is both physical and emotional while being niether.
without you there is no end withot you no beginning.Your are the fall that decends upon winder yet your rise like that beautiful spring wind from which you are born.
Confuso per quanto riguarda l'amore- cioe anche lei me ha detto sempre di non prenderle in giro. ma chi e stato presso in giro da chi? sono io che e stato presso in giro da lei.
xioba
Of a man thiat living alone were only have his memories to accompany him each day the idea of voices and pictures and letters makes him more and more crazy because these things show solo how many things there are int the world how when picture showing many things. When fatto where the birds and water what did they do? And now. How every picture is different world different time and different thing. So many things to many things to keep mecomnpany. When you have somebody you forget the surrouundings when you have only memories you notice more.
I want to cry. no the feeling of intense emotional pains climbs to my stomach, my throat, and nose and awaits in my eyes. teh acidic dryness my throat makes it very difficutl to speak and think. In between the half breathing and sobing I try and relax and push back the emotion. but in doing so images come to my mind images of such things as the books my father sent me, the trip we had to europe the dinners out on the town and how in each day the situations my family did those for me out love, yet I accepted the physical aspects and not the emoitonal. That makes me feel so heartless unforgiving and cold.
HOW MY FATHHer can be in the hospital with his health the way it is and the most important thing and he could worry more about sending books to me that will probably never be read.
I want to be in a wooden box of six feet or in a whire roon on an island dreaming teass and birds and flower.s
Do not lovers always overreach the limit of each other's lives, having promoised distance and chaste and home. We do not know the contour of our feelings, but only what informs it from inside.
Da una sola metafora puo nascere l'amore.
Fare l'amore con una donna e dormire con una donna sono due passioni non solo diverse ma quasi opposte. L'amore non si manifesta col desiderie di fare l'amore (desideria che si applica a una quantita infinita di donne) Ma col desiderio di dormire insieme (desideria che si applica a un'unica donna).
Amare qualcuno per compassione significa non amarlo veramente.
La sopia ha detto che un'uomo me conquista quando lui si cade ai piedi miei. Mentre lei dicevela, me ho risposto 'quando mi son caduto da fronte da lei ricevendo una taglia sulla mano mia'.
Two lovers in a place unaffected by any outside superfical infliuences there is the love they must choose to have one day for the other or suffer the other.
The one of the man in the room with bandages on his hands wrists and the serious of him ging through the actions. Use the mirror.
You are the alcehimist with the ever delicate fingers and stone. you are both mercury and sulfur yet you are seperate and combine also the suna nd the moon. you are the one that is both physical and emotional while being niether.
without you there is no end withot you no beginning.Your are the fall that decends upon winder yet your rise like that beautiful spring wind from which you are born.
Confuso per quanto riguarda l'amore- cioe anche lei me ha detto sempre di non prenderle in giro. ma chi e stato presso in giro da chi? sono io che e stato presso in giro da lei.
xioba
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Today is Wednesday- tmj (tuesday night)
Grind, grind, grind. I woke up this morning and one of my back molars had a small piece chipped off. I was pretty stressed yesterday, but I had no idea it was this bad. The chip did not hurt, but I kept running my tongue over it all morning. My personality is defined by the feeling of the back of my teeth on the tip of my tongue. I was off all morning. I did not ride, I could barely think. I had a heaviness about me that the shower could not lighten.
My drive in was flooded with Smiths songs: 'Suffer little children', 'unhappy birthday', 'Please please please let me get what I want', 'Reel around the fountain', and 'Bigmouth'. I pulled over toward the parking lot before the bridge and kept going up the hill to the top. I put 'Bigmouth' on repeat, and quietly sat and smoked all of Sophia's leftover cigarettes- 7 or 8 of them. My chest felt constricted and tight and my throat had no lubrication. I kept spitting even though I had no moisture in my mouth. I was hot and sweaty, to the point that I had to take off my tie and shirt and let the cool air from the ocean quench whatever furnace was stoking in my diaphragm. I kept leaning forward onto my knees to see if I could get more oxygen into my head. I thought I should call 911, but I had no strength to pick up the Treo. I selfishly hoped that somebody would come across me, but did not care if they did so when I was alive or not.
The opening of Bigmouth sent me back many, many years to the warmth of radiated heat and orange light of my venetian apartment. Hours of tension between my roommate and me finally exploded into warm, smooth, patient breath-filled kissing. Her image filled my head with every 'bigmouth, lala la la' but the touch of her skin, the feel of her hair, her smell, the fond distant memory of a day spent cooking, smoking, chatting and screwing became as distorted as Morrisey's duet. I just can't find any substance- I can't remember anything of significance about this woman except the fact that she could never look me directly in the eye without a bit of nervousness. I can't remember what she tasted like or if she had ever said a kind word to me. And that saddens me. I only remember that I once spat in her face- pure, rejected bile coming from a hatred present before our simple relationship. I recall wanting to trap her with unprotected sex. She could sense this and was repulsed into moving to the other side of the country. When I caught up to her many, many years later, the image of her that I had preserved in my head for so many years was a perfect filter to my blindness on love. She still hated me, but she did me the service of listening to my petty whines. A sweat lodge. When we parted, and I walked out into the cool fall night, I realized that even though I had wasted 5 years of my life I was trapped with my future.
When I finally got bored of 'Bigmouth' I found track 1 of 'Going Away, ep' from Transona Five. Deftly re-robed, tied my tie and made the drive down into work. I did not realize it until I pulled into my parking spot and looked at myself in the rear view, but I had clearly been crying. It was a very odd sensation to see that I had cried but do not remember why. How does that even happen?
First thing is first. I went by that C's desk, but she wasn't there. Up to my office and I canceled all my meetings. I told my admin that I was working on reviews and strategy and that I needed the time. I called all my moles in the org, but none of them had sniffed any ill wind. Every so often, I would go by the C's desk until I finally realized that she was not in for the day. Probably with an attorney. I called her cell, but she did not pick up. I did not leave a message. I spent most of the day going to clublakers.com to see who the fuck that idiot Poopcock would trade for. Fucking moron. Why the fuck would you trade Bynum and Odom for Jermaine. It is kinda like G Dumbya and Iraq. You fucked up so please don't try to fix it. Just retire and let somebody who is more capable come in and clean up your mess. The site was down most of the day, some sort of debug error, but I kept going back to see anyway. I also did research on Mavic ES. Nice wheel. I went to craigslist and looked at all the lonely singles, and I checked my match.com account. Too many hits. When it was finally 3 I left for the day.
When I got home, I had forgotten that my cleaning lady came on Wednesdays and I startled her as much as she startled me. I did not see her car parked in front. I guess she gets dropped off.
She kept asking about 'Ms Sophia'.
I called my pizza guy to get more J, and spent the rest of the day waiting for him to arrive and for the cleaning lady to leave. I actually found some solace in my backyard. No smoking, no drinking. Just sitting quietly with nothing to do but to wait. When she left and the pizza guy came and left; I was left with my own lonely, lonely mistreated body. The first tiny bite of J put me into that heavy cloud of dry, anxious thought. I spent a few minutes trying to find my bearings on what my evening would look like, and then decided to clean my house- yes, it was just cleaned by my cleaning lady, but it needed to be cleaned again.
I cleaned the kitchen the downstairs bathrooms, the laundry room, the downstairs bedrooms, my office, the living room, the foyer, the family room, the dining room and then made my way upstairs.
In my room, folded neatly on my bed, like a pyramid, lay a jean skirt, a blue t-shirt, a brown sweater, one black bra and a white pair of panties which was delicately nested on top of the heap like a 'solitary cottage'. I could not take my eyes off of the panties and as I stared down my garden path toward their retreat, I noticed that embroidered flowers of purple peeked out from what would be the tuft. I made a generous offer, acknowledged my humility in the presence of beauty and graciously reached out and cupped the panties and lifted them toward my nose and mouth; as I drank them in, a deep heart-moan of tearless grief rumbled up from my soles and leaked out of my face- a distorted grimace that felt mask-like and shameful.
I could not close my mouth, so sharp air hit my newly chipped tooth and rang a nerve, felling me to my knees and causing me to finally relinquish my hold on feigned happiness. I wanted somebody to come by or call. I needed Dr. Kevorkian to pay a visit. The painful truth that I was alone made me sleepy, but my fear kept me far from slumber's path. After I finally fell asleep and then re-awoke, I put Sophia's clothes into what used to be her dresser.
I am not looking forward to sleeping alone tonight. I miss Sophia so very much, and I am now feeling the emptiness that I have created. My actions have stripped away the one thing that had potential to show me love, and now I am much worse off. I believe that I can make it through this trying time, but I do not want to put in too much effort. Probably an unrealistic desire.
Xioba
My drive in was flooded with Smiths songs: 'Suffer little children', 'unhappy birthday', 'Please please please let me get what I want', 'Reel around the fountain', and 'Bigmouth'. I pulled over toward the parking lot before the bridge and kept going up the hill to the top. I put 'Bigmouth' on repeat, and quietly sat and smoked all of Sophia's leftover cigarettes- 7 or 8 of them. My chest felt constricted and tight and my throat had no lubrication. I kept spitting even though I had no moisture in my mouth. I was hot and sweaty, to the point that I had to take off my tie and shirt and let the cool air from the ocean quench whatever furnace was stoking in my diaphragm. I kept leaning forward onto my knees to see if I could get more oxygen into my head. I thought I should call 911, but I had no strength to pick up the Treo. I selfishly hoped that somebody would come across me, but did not care if they did so when I was alive or not.
The opening of Bigmouth sent me back many, many years to the warmth of radiated heat and orange light of my venetian apartment. Hours of tension between my roommate and me finally exploded into warm, smooth, patient breath-filled kissing. Her image filled my head with every 'bigmouth, lala la la' but the touch of her skin, the feel of her hair, her smell, the fond distant memory of a day spent cooking, smoking, chatting and screwing became as distorted as Morrisey's duet. I just can't find any substance- I can't remember anything of significance about this woman except the fact that she could never look me directly in the eye without a bit of nervousness. I can't remember what she tasted like or if she had ever said a kind word to me. And that saddens me. I only remember that I once spat in her face- pure, rejected bile coming from a hatred present before our simple relationship. I recall wanting to trap her with unprotected sex. She could sense this and was repulsed into moving to the other side of the country. When I caught up to her many, many years later, the image of her that I had preserved in my head for so many years was a perfect filter to my blindness on love. She still hated me, but she did me the service of listening to my petty whines. A sweat lodge. When we parted, and I walked out into the cool fall night, I realized that even though I had wasted 5 years of my life I was trapped with my future.
When I finally got bored of 'Bigmouth' I found track 1 of 'Going Away, ep' from Transona Five. Deftly re-robed, tied my tie and made the drive down into work. I did not realize it until I pulled into my parking spot and looked at myself in the rear view, but I had clearly been crying. It was a very odd sensation to see that I had cried but do not remember why. How does that even happen?
First thing is first. I went by that C's desk, but she wasn't there. Up to my office and I canceled all my meetings. I told my admin that I was working on reviews and strategy and that I needed the time. I called all my moles in the org, but none of them had sniffed any ill wind. Every so often, I would go by the C's desk until I finally realized that she was not in for the day. Probably with an attorney. I called her cell, but she did not pick up. I did not leave a message. I spent most of the day going to clublakers.com to see who the fuck that idiot Poopcock would trade for. Fucking moron. Why the fuck would you trade Bynum and Odom for Jermaine. It is kinda like G Dumbya and Iraq. You fucked up so please don't try to fix it. Just retire and let somebody who is more capable come in and clean up your mess. The site was down most of the day, some sort of debug error, but I kept going back to see anyway. I also did research on Mavic ES. Nice wheel. I went to craigslist and looked at all the lonely singles, and I checked my match.com account. Too many hits. When it was finally 3 I left for the day.
When I got home, I had forgotten that my cleaning lady came on Wednesdays and I startled her as much as she startled me. I did not see her car parked in front. I guess she gets dropped off.
She kept asking about 'Ms Sophia'.
I called my pizza guy to get more J, and spent the rest of the day waiting for him to arrive and for the cleaning lady to leave. I actually found some solace in my backyard. No smoking, no drinking. Just sitting quietly with nothing to do but to wait. When she left and the pizza guy came and left; I was left with my own lonely, lonely mistreated body. The first tiny bite of J put me into that heavy cloud of dry, anxious thought. I spent a few minutes trying to find my bearings on what my evening would look like, and then decided to clean my house- yes, it was just cleaned by my cleaning lady, but it needed to be cleaned again.
I cleaned the kitchen the downstairs bathrooms, the laundry room, the downstairs bedrooms, my office, the living room, the foyer, the family room, the dining room and then made my way upstairs.
In my room, folded neatly on my bed, like a pyramid, lay a jean skirt, a blue t-shirt, a brown sweater, one black bra and a white pair of panties which was delicately nested on top of the heap like a 'solitary cottage'. I could not take my eyes off of the panties and as I stared down my garden path toward their retreat, I noticed that embroidered flowers of purple peeked out from what would be the tuft. I made a generous offer, acknowledged my humility in the presence of beauty and graciously reached out and cupped the panties and lifted them toward my nose and mouth; as I drank them in, a deep heart-moan of tearless grief rumbled up from my soles and leaked out of my face- a distorted grimace that felt mask-like and shameful.
I could not close my mouth, so sharp air hit my newly chipped tooth and rang a nerve, felling me to my knees and causing me to finally relinquish my hold on feigned happiness. I wanted somebody to come by or call. I needed Dr. Kevorkian to pay a visit. The painful truth that I was alone made me sleepy, but my fear kept me far from slumber's path. After I finally fell asleep and then re-awoke, I put Sophia's clothes into what used to be her dresser.
I am not looking forward to sleeping alone tonight. I miss Sophia so very much, and I am now feeling the emptiness that I have created. My actions have stripped away the one thing that had potential to show me love, and now I am much worse off. I believe that I can make it through this trying time, but I do not want to put in too much effort. Probably an unrealistic desire.
Xioba
Monday, June 11, 2007
Today is Monday- A16
I called 'Yellow Panties' at around 3 PM and she did not answer. Straight to voice mail. At around 4:30 PM I got an email invite from my boss to 'Quick TB' on Wednesday, 5 PM. I looked at the invite and Head Counsel and the VP of HR were also invited. What the fuck. I wonder if 'Yellow Panties' said something to them. Fucking Bitch. I can't think of anything I could have done that was wrong, maybe a bit of bad judgment, but certainly not illegal. I made no promises to her when I came in her. Our legal system is so fucked these days, I mean you can't say 'hi' to somebody in the halls without getting sued. If you look at a small child on the street you get arrested. I will be ok. If she wants to sue she can sue the company. I think I would be ok. I would just need to get a new job which is not the worst thing. I stopped by 'Yellow Panties' on my way out and she was on the phone. She smiled at me but did not wave for me to stop. She just looked down and kept talking on the phone.
I couldn't read her mood. Was she embarrassed by what she wanted me to do to her? Was she embarrassed by what I was able to do to her? Was she embarrassed that I saw her most intimate spots and witnessed her orgasm face?
I called my admin and canceled my late meetings and then called Keith and told him to meet me for pizza- he has time off now before his new job.
When I got to the pizza spot, I had a glass of white waiting for me. Right down, quick.
I ordered a bottle: Alois (Campagnia) $72. Volcanic and oak undertones with a bit of pepper and raisin- at least that is what the sommelier told us. I did not taste any of that, but it was good. I ordered burrata (but it was just mozzarella), a margherita, and a romaine and chicory salad. We ended with passito and cannolis. The best part about this restaurant is that the wait staff and hostesses have amazing bodies, but they are not extremely beautiful in the faces. Easy to look at but not shockingly hot- except for their bodies. We ended up seeing two people from work. Similar to the wait staff at the restaurant. When I left I stopped by to say hi, and one of them just smiled at me and kept blinking. She did not say a word. It was very odd. I wonder if she knows 'Yellow Panties'. Bitch. Keith was supposed to bring me some replacement J, but he forgot. I am down to shake right now. It is like trying to put together a pasta with some egg noodles, a can of soup and a peach. You can do it, but it don't taste very good. My bourbon is low too, so all I got is a pack of cigarettes that Sophia left in the kitchen a few weeks back. I have my doctor's favor. I think I can make do for the evening. I am sitting here looking at my slightly swollen arm that is slightly peeling.
My tattooist is a master. His work heals so quickly. You need to be prepared to go see him though.
First, you make an appointment so that he can meet you and understand what you want. You then make an appointment and it is usually several months out. When the appointment arrives, you show up on time, but he is an hour late. He settles in and readies the area. He puts gloves on, cleans, adjusts, organizes and then takes gloves off and smokes. He puts gloves back on and gets the needles and tubes ready. He takes gloves off and he smokes. He comes back and puts gloves on and calls you in. He changes his shoes and puts on his tattooing shoes. Black. He forgets something and needs to go to the store. Changes shoes and he takes his gloves off and goes to the store. He comes back smoking and is carrying a bag of stuff and a Vitamin Water. Changes shoes and he puts gloves back on. Vasoline on the table, one, two, three, four small ink cups into vasoline. Black ink into four cups. Click on and off of the motor. Clear buzz, adjust the knob. Staring at my arm, finding the spot, finding the shape. Michelangelo supposedly looked at blank marble this way. He begins tattooing. He chats on and off the whole time. He is meditating and is zen and is off in another world and then he is present. His hand begins hurting, so he stops. Gloves off and cigarettes. Gloves back on and he begins again. When he is done, he is happy with his work and he sprays that yellow liquid soap on your arm. It cools it down and soothes the area.
The rattlesnake needs to strike before the rabbit gets fangs. I need to confront 'Yellow Panties' head on and see what she is up to. I want to call her, but there is no safety on the phone. I am safe at work. People trust me and know me, and I can confront her and it will not be weird. She has nothing on me. Her word against mine. She may have my DNA in her panties- I think they were pink. Does that count? I guess it would. Sort of irrefutable.
'Yes your honor that spot came from me.'
'Yep, came out of all three orifices.'
'I guess I am a bad man. I have not really thought about it before, but, I do like being bad. Besides, she asked me to, so doesn't that make me a good man?'
The rattlesnake needs some rest now. I need to be sharp in the morning. I need to find my advantage, I need to find my angle, she is nothing to me, she will collapse under the weight of my will.
Xioba
I couldn't read her mood. Was she embarrassed by what she wanted me to do to her? Was she embarrassed by what I was able to do to her? Was she embarrassed that I saw her most intimate spots and witnessed her orgasm face?
I called my admin and canceled my late meetings and then called Keith and told him to meet me for pizza- he has time off now before his new job.
When I got to the pizza spot, I had a glass of white waiting for me. Right down, quick.
I ordered a bottle: Alois (Campagnia) $72. Volcanic and oak undertones with a bit of pepper and raisin- at least that is what the sommelier told us. I did not taste any of that, but it was good. I ordered burrata (but it was just mozzarella), a margherita, and a romaine and chicory salad. We ended with passito and cannolis. The best part about this restaurant is that the wait staff and hostesses have amazing bodies, but they are not extremely beautiful in the faces. Easy to look at but not shockingly hot- except for their bodies. We ended up seeing two people from work. Similar to the wait staff at the restaurant. When I left I stopped by to say hi, and one of them just smiled at me and kept blinking. She did not say a word. It was very odd. I wonder if she knows 'Yellow Panties'. Bitch. Keith was supposed to bring me some replacement J, but he forgot. I am down to shake right now. It is like trying to put together a pasta with some egg noodles, a can of soup and a peach. You can do it, but it don't taste very good. My bourbon is low too, so all I got is a pack of cigarettes that Sophia left in the kitchen a few weeks back. I have my doctor's favor. I think I can make do for the evening. I am sitting here looking at my slightly swollen arm that is slightly peeling.
My tattooist is a master. His work heals so quickly. You need to be prepared to go see him though.
First, you make an appointment so that he can meet you and understand what you want. You then make an appointment and it is usually several months out. When the appointment arrives, you show up on time, but he is an hour late. He settles in and readies the area. He puts gloves on, cleans, adjusts, organizes and then takes gloves off and smokes. He puts gloves back on and gets the needles and tubes ready. He takes gloves off and he smokes. He comes back and puts gloves on and calls you in. He changes his shoes and puts on his tattooing shoes. Black. He forgets something and needs to go to the store. Changes shoes and he takes his gloves off and goes to the store. He comes back smoking and is carrying a bag of stuff and a Vitamin Water. Changes shoes and he puts gloves back on. Vasoline on the table, one, two, three, four small ink cups into vasoline. Black ink into four cups. Click on and off of the motor. Clear buzz, adjust the knob. Staring at my arm, finding the spot, finding the shape. Michelangelo supposedly looked at blank marble this way. He begins tattooing. He chats on and off the whole time. He is meditating and is zen and is off in another world and then he is present. His hand begins hurting, so he stops. Gloves off and cigarettes. Gloves back on and he begins again. When he is done, he is happy with his work and he sprays that yellow liquid soap on your arm. It cools it down and soothes the area.
The rattlesnake needs to strike before the rabbit gets fangs. I need to confront 'Yellow Panties' head on and see what she is up to. I want to call her, but there is no safety on the phone. I am safe at work. People trust me and know me, and I can confront her and it will not be weird. She has nothing on me. Her word against mine. She may have my DNA in her panties- I think they were pink. Does that count? I guess it would. Sort of irrefutable.
'Yes your honor that spot came from me.'
'Yep, came out of all three orifices.'
'I guess I am a bad man. I have not really thought about it before, but, I do like being bad. Besides, she asked me to, so doesn't that make me a good man?'
The rattlesnake needs some rest now. I need to be sharp in the morning. I need to find my advantage, I need to find my angle, she is nothing to me, she will collapse under the weight of my will.
Xioba
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Yesterday was Saturday
Saturday afternoon. In prepping for my date with 'Yellow panties' I had a few Manhattan's- wild turkey, not pappy, I had a j (mellowed), and prepped the batter for waffles. I like this recipe that I found in Cook's Illustrated:
1 3/4 cups milk (Straus)
8 tablespoons cubed butter (Straus)
10 Ounces flour (King Arthur)
1 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoons yeast
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Combine the dry ingredients. Milk and butter over medium-low heat until butter melts. Get to temperature that does not kill the yeast. Whip eggs and vanilla. Combine milk and dry ingredients. Mix, by hand, till combined- 10 whips. Combine egg mixture till combined. 5 whips. Put saran on the bowl and place in the ice box. In the morning, unless you killed the yeast, the batter will have doubled in size. Villaware (I use the square though the round one heats better). Yum.
I arrived at 'Yellow panties' house and rang the buzzer. She buzzed me in. Her flat was what I expected for a 20ish single girl. It smelled of potpourri and cigarettes. The kitchen looked unused. There were two coffee pots. She had a small TV with a DVD player built in. No visible land line. Her bedroom was on the small side, but looked very comfortable. No animals. She offered me a glass or wine- white burgundy- which I took. She asked me briefly about work and I immediately informed her that I do not speak about work when I am not working. She smiled a bit, but pressed the issue. I smiled and said nothing. I think that she got the hint.
'You look really nice!' I said to her which made color come into her cheeks which gave her a depth that I had not noticed before. Her eyes suddenly became very green to me and her hair was a gorgeous auburn, speckled with bleach. Her eyebrows were thin, straight wisps that stopped before the downturn of her brow. Her nose was long and narrow and had a small blemish. Her cheeks, now full with color, were long and hallow. Her neck, toned and lanky, led into her, wide and plump, chin which supported her lips which were as straight and smooth as her eyebrows but as plump and toned as her neck.
We decided on a wine bar south of downtown which had nice wines and various cheese.
We had a nice italian merlot which is better than the californian merlot. I am usually embarrassed to order the merlot unless it is italian. 'Yellow panties' doubted me at first- I think she is a bit of a wine snob-, but soon realized how delicious the italian merlot is with cheese. Burrata, triple cream (Cowgirl), and several hard cheeses (Romano, Bolognese and Sardegnian) . Quince paste, honey and apples. Quite nice.
We took several smoke breaks together and with each drag we loosened our grip from the tension. On the third break I offered her a j which she took without hesitation. I knew it would be a good night.
We shared some dessert and some Recioto and something chocolate.
It was still relatively early so we decided to go get some drinks. We went to some awful tourist bar at the top of a hotel. They had shitty ass bourbon, but I had a few anyway. Our conversation was pretty easy at this point, and we were actually laughing together. She told me of a story of how she and her brother would act out scenes of Toy Story for her parents. She would always play Woody and her brother was always Buzz Light. I guess that is pretty fitting since Tom Hanks is such a pansy. The conversation really aged me since I remember when I saw that film- I was high on mushrooms, corona and weed. All that I can remember is '....we need more monkeys......' which still makes me laugh and cry.
As we were looking out over the city, she remarked about how you could only see a few bright, bright stars, and that when she was growing up her family would go camping and the sight of the stars was shocking- 'so many', she had said. The rattlesnake smiled and said, 'you see that one bright star right there, well that is actually a planet. I have a nice telescope if you would be interested in seeing it a bit closer.'
I was not surprised by her answer but I was shocked at the immediacy of the response.
We drove back to my house. She fumbled with my Ipod trying to find something that she could listen to. She failed. I am old and my music taste is only for the 'gramps' of the hipster world.
At my house, I set up the telescope (let it cool down) and dimmed all the lights. I made a few bourbons and we shared another j. I went upstairs and brought down a sweatshirt, a cap and a sweater for her to put on.
'This is a really amazing house you have here', she said, 'will you give me a tour.'
I told her, 'go take a look for yourself, I am going to set up the view on the telescope.'
As I was spotting and focusing and finally coming upon our target, Jupiter, I could hear her coming downstairs. For a brief moment, I thought of Sophia and a small tinge of blackened loss colored my heart making me take a deep and long-needed sigh. I refocused on Jupiter and dreamed of looking for M4. Someday in more darkened skies I will attack the M's but, from my locale with the light pollution, it will be tough. I dream of clear air and darkened skies. Could 'Yellow panties' toss out her youth and move with me? Just then, she came up from behind me and her small, cool hands sneaked under my jacket and shirt- a furtive look into the future- at least what the future of the night held. I offered the eyepiece and asked her to tell me what she could see.
'a bright star and 4 small stars all in a line.'
I carefully came up behind her and opened up space in her sweater to reveal her neck and shoulder. I kissed her lightly, several times, and gently nibbled on skin.
When I awoke in the morning, I was startled by the body next to me. She was lying on her side, back to me. She had small tattoos of dragon flies (maybe 6 or 7) flying across her back- shoulder to shoulder. Her hair was shortly cut and revealed her 11's on her neck. She had a skinny waste and plump ass. Her legs were short and very muscled. This was not Sophia, and this realization startled me back into remembering the night before.
We kissed for a while under the watch of Jupiter. When we found our way into my house we had barley made it to the floor and she was pulling me into her. She was really, really loud. In my empty house, her screams echoed into the darkness upstairs- like a distant light from the moon, relaxed behind the western mountains, her echoed moans revealed the slight fear of the joy of a stranger. She was rough. She was scratching and biting into me which made my skin feel like it was detached from my bones. The sweat on our bellies pooled into her belly button, her eyes rolled slightly back upon herself, she deeply bit into her lips, her hands gripped and held on to my back and she swallowed her last scream and then released it with a husky groan- ending me.
As I lay upon her, half sleeping, the sweat on my back began cooling from the breeze from outside. We had left the door open. My neighbors will be pleased with me. We did make it into my room, and sometime during the night she woke me up. At one point, she said, 'Coach, why don't you take Johnny Boy from behind.' Wow. I was shocked and excited all at once. She has an amazing, sensuous ass.
Seeing 'Yellow panties' sleeping in my bed this morning, I realized how much Sophia bored me. She was not as exciting and voracious as 'Yellow panties'. She was so staid. Passion had left us long ago and had become routine humanity. I bit at the sadness that crept in. Choosing to ruminate on it later- a realization that familiarity is now replaced by a single, middle aged life.
I laid up next to 'Yellow panties' and wrapped my arm around her body. I began lightly kissing the back of her head. She stirred awake and rolled over to look at me. She smiled and her green eyes looked clear, and awake.
'Good morning!' She said. She began kissing me and scooted down and hummed a tune of youthful, bliss and arrogance.
We ate waffles and showered and I drove her home on my way to get tattooed.
When I dropped her off, she leaned over and kissed me and said. 'I had a nice time. I will see you tomorrow.'
I drove off and looked at her in my rear view mirror. She Walked into her flat and disappeared into the day.
My arm is sore and chewed up, but it is coming along nicely. It is a big commitment to get a sleeve.
I am over Sophia, and I am looking toward seeing 'Yellow panties' in the morning.
Xioba
1 3/4 cups milk (Straus)
8 tablespoons cubed butter (Straus)
10 Ounces flour (King Arthur)
1 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoons yeast
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Combine the dry ingredients. Milk and butter over medium-low heat until butter melts. Get to temperature that does not kill the yeast. Whip eggs and vanilla. Combine milk and dry ingredients. Mix, by hand, till combined- 10 whips. Combine egg mixture till combined. 5 whips. Put saran on the bowl and place in the ice box. In the morning, unless you killed the yeast, the batter will have doubled in size. Villaware (I use the square though the round one heats better). Yum.
I arrived at 'Yellow panties' house and rang the buzzer. She buzzed me in. Her flat was what I expected for a 20ish single girl. It smelled of potpourri and cigarettes. The kitchen looked unused. There were two coffee pots. She had a small TV with a DVD player built in. No visible land line. Her bedroom was on the small side, but looked very comfortable. No animals. She offered me a glass or wine- white burgundy- which I took. She asked me briefly about work and I immediately informed her that I do not speak about work when I am not working. She smiled a bit, but pressed the issue. I smiled and said nothing. I think that she got the hint.
'You look really nice!' I said to her which made color come into her cheeks which gave her a depth that I had not noticed before. Her eyes suddenly became very green to me and her hair was a gorgeous auburn, speckled with bleach. Her eyebrows were thin, straight wisps that stopped before the downturn of her brow. Her nose was long and narrow and had a small blemish. Her cheeks, now full with color, were long and hallow. Her neck, toned and lanky, led into her, wide and plump, chin which supported her lips which were as straight and smooth as her eyebrows but as plump and toned as her neck.
We decided on a wine bar south of downtown which had nice wines and various cheese.
We had a nice italian merlot which is better than the californian merlot. I am usually embarrassed to order the merlot unless it is italian. 'Yellow panties' doubted me at first- I think she is a bit of a wine snob-, but soon realized how delicious the italian merlot is with cheese. Burrata, triple cream (Cowgirl), and several hard cheeses (Romano, Bolognese and Sardegnian) . Quince paste, honey and apples. Quite nice.
We took several smoke breaks together and with each drag we loosened our grip from the tension. On the third break I offered her a j which she took without hesitation. I knew it would be a good night.
We shared some dessert and some Recioto and something chocolate.
It was still relatively early so we decided to go get some drinks. We went to some awful tourist bar at the top of a hotel. They had shitty ass bourbon, but I had a few anyway. Our conversation was pretty easy at this point, and we were actually laughing together. She told me of a story of how she and her brother would act out scenes of Toy Story for her parents. She would always play Woody and her brother was always Buzz Light. I guess that is pretty fitting since Tom Hanks is such a pansy. The conversation really aged me since I remember when I saw that film- I was high on mushrooms, corona and weed. All that I can remember is '....we need more monkeys......' which still makes me laugh and cry.
As we were looking out over the city, she remarked about how you could only see a few bright, bright stars, and that when she was growing up her family would go camping and the sight of the stars was shocking- 'so many', she had said. The rattlesnake smiled and said, 'you see that one bright star right there, well that is actually a planet. I have a nice telescope if you would be interested in seeing it a bit closer.'
I was not surprised by her answer but I was shocked at the immediacy of the response.
We drove back to my house. She fumbled with my Ipod trying to find something that she could listen to. She failed. I am old and my music taste is only for the 'gramps' of the hipster world.
At my house, I set up the telescope (let it cool down) and dimmed all the lights. I made a few bourbons and we shared another j. I went upstairs and brought down a sweatshirt, a cap and a sweater for her to put on.
'This is a really amazing house you have here', she said, 'will you give me a tour.'
I told her, 'go take a look for yourself, I am going to set up the view on the telescope.'
As I was spotting and focusing and finally coming upon our target, Jupiter, I could hear her coming downstairs. For a brief moment, I thought of Sophia and a small tinge of blackened loss colored my heart making me take a deep and long-needed sigh. I refocused on Jupiter and dreamed of looking for M4. Someday in more darkened skies I will attack the M's but, from my locale with the light pollution, it will be tough. I dream of clear air and darkened skies. Could 'Yellow panties' toss out her youth and move with me? Just then, she came up from behind me and her small, cool hands sneaked under my jacket and shirt- a furtive look into the future- at least what the future of the night held. I offered the eyepiece and asked her to tell me what she could see.
'a bright star and 4 small stars all in a line.'
I carefully came up behind her and opened up space in her sweater to reveal her neck and shoulder. I kissed her lightly, several times, and gently nibbled on skin.
When I awoke in the morning, I was startled by the body next to me. She was lying on her side, back to me. She had small tattoos of dragon flies (maybe 6 or 7) flying across her back- shoulder to shoulder. Her hair was shortly cut and revealed her 11's on her neck. She had a skinny waste and plump ass. Her legs were short and very muscled. This was not Sophia, and this realization startled me back into remembering the night before.
We kissed for a while under the watch of Jupiter. When we found our way into my house we had barley made it to the floor and she was pulling me into her. She was really, really loud. In my empty house, her screams echoed into the darkness upstairs- like a distant light from the moon, relaxed behind the western mountains, her echoed moans revealed the slight fear of the joy of a stranger. She was rough. She was scratching and biting into me which made my skin feel like it was detached from my bones. The sweat on our bellies pooled into her belly button, her eyes rolled slightly back upon herself, she deeply bit into her lips, her hands gripped and held on to my back and she swallowed her last scream and then released it with a husky groan- ending me.
As I lay upon her, half sleeping, the sweat on my back began cooling from the breeze from outside. We had left the door open. My neighbors will be pleased with me. We did make it into my room, and sometime during the night she woke me up. At one point, she said, 'Coach, why don't you take Johnny Boy from behind.' Wow. I was shocked and excited all at once. She has an amazing, sensuous ass.
Seeing 'Yellow panties' sleeping in my bed this morning, I realized how much Sophia bored me. She was not as exciting and voracious as 'Yellow panties'. She was so staid. Passion had left us long ago and had become routine humanity. I bit at the sadness that crept in. Choosing to ruminate on it later- a realization that familiarity is now replaced by a single, middle aged life.
I laid up next to 'Yellow panties' and wrapped my arm around her body. I began lightly kissing the back of her head. She stirred awake and rolled over to look at me. She smiled and her green eyes looked clear, and awake.
'Good morning!' She said. She began kissing me and scooted down and hummed a tune of youthful, bliss and arrogance.
We ate waffles and showered and I drove her home on my way to get tattooed.
When I dropped her off, she leaned over and kissed me and said. 'I had a nice time. I will see you tomorrow.'
I drove off and looked at her in my rear view mirror. She Walked into her flat and disappeared into the day.
My arm is sore and chewed up, but it is coming along nicely. It is a big commitment to get a sleeve.
I am over Sophia, and I am looking toward seeing 'Yellow panties' in the morning.
Xioba
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